


Fifteen Years Ago...

by LadySage



Category: Fushigi Yuugi
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, fixfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-07
Updated: 2012-10-07
Packaged: 2017-11-15 19:30:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/530881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadySage/pseuds/LadySage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fifteen years ago, Miaka was summoned to the Universe of the Four Gods as the Priestess of Suzaku.  Fifteen years ago, she met Tamahome and swore to love him forever.  And fifteen years ago, when her job as priestess was done, she was torn from Tamahome's arms and forced to return to her own world.</p><p>Now, she is thirty and has moved on with her life.  But sometimes, she can't help but reflect on everything that happened, fifteen years ago...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fifteen Years Ago...

**Author's Note:**

> I loved Fushigi Yuugi as a teenager. LOVED it. But as I've grown older, I've realized the message of absolute reliance on one's boyfriend (or girlfriend, as the case may be), giving up everything to be with him, and first love only being true love is a rather damaging message for young girls. So, I rewrote the ending more to the liking of my slightly more cynical twenty-something self.

Soft hair.  Strong arms. Gentle eyes.  A kind smile. Above those, a glowing red kanji that read _oni_.

“Tamahome,” Miaka breathed.  She knew, in that moment, that he would never leave her side.  That this embrace would never end, and they would be together forever.  That their love could overcome anything.

And then her eyes fluttered open.  The red glow came from the alarm clock on her bedside table, silently declaring the time as 4:38 in the morning.

She turned away from the clock, tired of the stubborn reminder of her insomnia.  Instead, she looked into the sleeping face of Mahiro.  She wondered if she had spoken in her sleep, and if he had heard her.  Although he had assured her again and again over the years that he wasn’t jealous, she felt a twinge of guilt every time he was reminded of Tamahome.

Fifteen years ago…it felt like an eternity ago.  Or did it feel like just yesterday?  Miaka could never decide.   Some parts had faded away so that she felt like she read the book instead of lived it; other parts were sharp and clear as shards of crystal, and often no less painful.  But either way, it was in the past.  No power in the world could turn back the clock.  Now, she was a different person living a different life.

She stood, slowly.  Her belly was just starting to become awkward to maneuver.  She waddled her way to the window seat, and stared out at the sky.  It was the wrong season.  None of the ones she cared about were in the sky.

Fifteen years ago…she was just a kid then.  For that matter, so was he.  Two stupid teenagers, convinced they had something special.  They were so sure of everything.  So sure that they were unique, that their love could overcome all obstacles, that they would be together forever.  It was childish naiveté, all of it.  They summoned Suzaku, and she was sent back to Earth while Tamahome remained in the Universe of the Four Gods, along with all her friends.  Her story was finished, and there was no need for a pointless, lengthy epilogue.

She unlatched the window and pushed it open.  The chill night air blew in, and goosebumps spread across her body.  Trying to stargaze in Tokyo was pointless, anyway.  Light and air pollution covered the dimmed the stars, creating a haze only the brightest ones could shine through.  Instead, the city lights shone from below their high-rise apartment, more spectacular than any night sky.

Fifteen years ago…she wanted to die that day.  She had been sure she was going to, it hurt so much.  She cried for days on end, convinced that she never would be able to stop.  She’d lost her first love, her one true love, her soul mate.  She would spend the rest of her life without him miserable and alone.  There was no point to anything anymore.  Just a bleak and lonely existence of never loving anyone or anything.

Mahiro’s glasses sat slightly askew, and a book laid across his chest.  He had fallen asleep reading.  He did that a lot – always reading, unable to put the book down.  Real books, novels and biographies and nonfiction, not the manga and light novels Miaka favored.  He was so smart, at least as smart as Yui.  The conversations the two had left her completely in the dust.  And he loved her.  That was the part that amazed her – so smart, and handsome, and he loved her for her.  Not because of destiny.  Not because she was the Priestess of Suzaku.  Because she was Miaka, and that was enough.

Fifteen years ago…that had seemed impossible.  Without her identity as the Priestess, she was nothing.  Just a ditzy high school girl with mediocre grades.  She felt lost, listless, unable to do anything.  Yui had been so worried, but she couldn’t drag herself out of her depression even for her best friend’s sake.  She considered suicide a couple times, hoping to meet Tamahome in the afterlife, but she never had the wherewithal to go through with it.

A murmur, and the sound of a shifting body.  Sou was dreaming.  One leg and one arm splayed out, taking the space on the bed Miaka had occupied a few minutes ago.  He had just turned six years old a few days ago, and was due to start elementary school on Monday.  He jumped up and down with excitement when they bought his bag and his hat, but now he was so nervous he wouldn’t even sleep in his own bed.  Not that she minded.  She liked having him there in bed, cuddling up to her as he slept.  Mahiro had grumbled, trying to play the stern father, but she knew he felt the same.

Fifteen years ago…she stole that book from the library.  Well, Keisuke stole it, but when she emerged, she took it from him.  She spent hours every day leafing through it, reading and rereading the account of her time there.  The narration was cold and strangely distant, but every word evoked powerful memories of the life she had once lived.  Every time she opened it anew, she hoped to be sucked back in, or to find new tales of her friends there, but it was useless.  They were there, but to her, they were frozen in time, and never would continue.  She lived this way, for years.

Something stirred again – the baby inside her.  Her second child, and her first daughter: Yanagi. This was the first time she felt the baby kick.  Tears sprang to her eyes as she placed her hand to her swollen belly.  Yanagi kicked again, pushing her tiny foot against Miaka’s hand.  She thought of waking Mahiro, but decided against it.  They would have this moment, just the two of them.  Mother and daughter.

Twelve years ago…her failure to get into even a third-rate university shocked her back to reality.  She had no skills, no knowledge, and no education.  Nothing.  Most of her friends had fallen by the wayside, alienated by her obsession with what they deemed a fantasy.  Only Yui, who knew the truth of what happened stuck by her.  She deferred her acceptance into Tokyo University for a year to assist Miaka with her studies.  But really, she helped with far more than just academics.  She had to teach her how to live again.

She was so grateful to Yui.  Without her, there was no knowing where Miaka would be now.  Living with her parents, babysitting for Keisuke, working in a shop or onsen or even a hostess club.  Still drifting through the fog, longing for something she could never have again.  A person with a past, but no future.  Now, Yui was an engineer working long hours to develop new technologies, but she still managed to make time for Miaka.  They still talked about the Universe of the Four Gods sometimes, wondering how the lives of those who survived were.  Sometimes, but not always.

Eleven years ago…she surprised everyone by passing the entrance exam into Kyoto University.  There, she studied Chinese language and culture, pulling in acceptable, if not impressive, marks.  She had to work much harder than the other students to get the same grades, but she threw herself into her work.  She even spent a semester in China, where she met and fell in love with Mahiro.  He was her second and lifelong love.

Now…she worked as a translator from home.  She was pregnant with her second child.  She lived in a two-bedroom high-rise apartment in Ebisu.  She had a husband who she loved, and a best friend who she loved just as much.  She had a life full of opportunities and joy.

It wasn’t a life with Tamahome, but it was something, she thought, even better.

She closed the windows, wincing as they creaked loudly.  She turned around, hoping her boys were still asleep.  Sou didn’t stir, but Mahiro sat up, squinting at her.

“Miaka?  Is something wrong?”

She turned, hurrying to wipe away the tears.  “Yeah, I’m fine.  Just…hormones! You know how it is.”

Mahiro nodded knowingly.  She eased herself back into bed, brushing her fingers against his thick, wiry hair.  “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Coarse hair.  Weak arms.  Nearsighted eyes.  A kind smile.  That was all she needed, and all she wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> Sou is a fairly common boy's name in Japan, and Tamahome's family name.  
> Yanagi means "Willow" and is the first kanji in Nuriko's given name.  
> The name Mahiro has no significant meaning, but it is somewhat effeminate.  
> Ebisu is a fairly nice neighborhood in Tokyo. I have no idea if it actually has high-rises.  
> Kyoto University is an extremely prestigious school.  
> The "pointless lengthy epilogue" is meant to be a slam on all those OVAs dear god Eikouden should not exist


End file.
